I have noticed in the last week that those pregnancy hormones are definitely starting to play games with me. I am beginning to get increasingly over emotional about certain things and have to keep reminding myself that it really isn’t that bad…must be the hormones. Most of my little freak outs lately have had to do with Syd or the upcoming baby. The latest one started with Sydney. She has stopped calling me Momma all of a sudden and has changed my name to Mom. Doesn’t seem like that big of deal, right? Well, I hate it. Momma is so cute and babyish and when I hear Mom it gets me depressed that she is growing up too fast. Then this gets me depressed that Syd won’t be my little baby anymore when the next baby comes. Then I get sad that I won’t have as much one on one time with Syd when the baby comes, making Syd and I not as close as we are now. And then it all escalates to her being a teenager tomorrow and being embarrassed to be seen with me. All making me wonder if I should have had another kid and just keep Syd as my little baby forever. I then worry about not loving this kid as much as I do Syd thus causing this kid to resent me. At this point in the thought process I usually start to feel horrible that I questioned having the next kid and I feel like a horrible Mom. OK, time to remind myself that this is all hormones. Brandon thinks I am retarded worrying about such things, but it just creeps into my head. I can’t make it stop.
On the other side of the hormone story, I think I am entering into that nesting phase. I have a constant desire to reorganize the shelves or do some major cleaning project. Most of the time about half way in I realize that I am tired and can’t do it all right now but then it just drives me crazy that it is still unorganized. Then I get depressed that I was worrying about organinzing the shelf instead of just playing with Syd and the whole “You are a horrible Mother” thought starts over again. I think I need a day at the spa.
On another topic, I am now entering the eighth month of te pregnancy so have been trying to plan a few baby things out. My big worry now is what to do with Syd when I head to the hospital to have the baby. Our neighbor has volunteered to take her anytime of the day but not sure if that is what I want. Our luck she would be out of town for the weekend and Syd would have to go to the hospital with us. Which I am sure the picture of me in pain would really freak her out. So, I asked my doctor what she thought about trying to get my Mom here in time to watch Syd while we head to the hospital. How do you plan these things? She said they would have no problem inducing me one week early so that we could have Mom come out on a certain date. Sounds good I thought. The down side…if my body doesn’t take to the induction it could result in a C-Section. Definitely not what I would want. Though she thought that since Syd was born just a couple of days after her due date, and I had no problems with starting labor, there was very little chance that the induction would not work for me if close to the due date. Not sure what the best answer here is. I would really like my Mom to be here so there are no worries with Syd, but afraid of the C-Section. Any thoughts from people who have had inductions?
Ok, enough baby talk. It is making me freak out again 🙂

  • Mary

    Oh, Kim … sweet innocence, let laughter spread across your face. I know nothing about induction, but I can tell you that Syd will always love and need you. Case in point: you’re 31, and you still need your mother. As for Baby #2, you will love her as much as Sydney. Your Momma had four babies and she loves them all. That’s the sheer beauty of motherhood. You have enough love to share with all.

  • Becky

    Yes, you are retarded for thinking that you are at all a bad mom in any way. But, the good news is that you are retarded because of the hormones. We’d be happy to take Syd if you need a place for her to stay. I know it’s not ideal being so far away, but it’s an option if you need it! Forget that induction stuff. I think it could only lead to trouble. Then again, I hate all doctors and I avoid any and all unnecessary procedures, and sometimes necessary ones, so maybe I’m not a good one to ask…

  • wes

    So basically you’re saying that its like being a teenager again, except now you have serious things to actually freak out about?
    I’m sure Syd will always be your baby, no matter how old she is.
    In fact, I love my mom more now than I did when I was a kid because I’m actually old enough to realize how awesome of a mom she really is.
    So really, it justs better.