So, the extremely restless nights have begun because I am so uncomfortable at night with the backaches and about six pee breaks. As a result, I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. Here is one that I think needs to be shared and maybe someone can tell me what the heck this means. What do all of these things have to do with each other and how did my head make this all up?
It all starts in one of those kids wooden fort swing sets. Natalee, Brandon’s sister, has set up a radio talk show in the top of one of these play forts in our backyard. The entire idea of the show is for her to think of different ways to drop the F word in various sentences. Frank Sinatra has heard of this show and is outraged that it is allowed to be on the air. So he decides to stage a one man protest outside the fort. He now lives in our backyard constantly shouting at Natalee to come down. One of the attached fort accessory pieces is a church pew. Natalee’s parents are outraged by this show as well and have vowed to not stop praying until Natalee comes down from the fort and ceases her show. So they now also live in the backyard but are in a constant kneeling position on the church pew swaying back and forth to prayer. They have also hired a tactical team to climb up the fort and get Natalee down. Of course the two people chosen for this huge feat are my Dad and Mary. Backup a little here, the fort is about 30 feet tall and Natalee has thrown off all ladders and booby trapped the sides of the fort with lard so that no one could possibly climb to the top. But, Dad and Mary are unwilling to give up on a challenge and try nonstop to climb up the walls only to slide down once half way up.
Meanwhile, Brandon and I have decided that the fort bottom is in desperate need of a small built in refrigerator so that everyone keeps well quenched in the Colorado sun. But, we are unable to find a refrigerator that will fit in the pre-made fort refrigerator hole. So, we have hundreds of refrigerators delivered and we drag each one up to the hole, try to shove it in, and then move on to the next one, again and again.
Now, the fort bottom is only about 6’ by 6’ on the outside and has the added playhouse walls package. But, when you open the door it is actually a humongous house, with a very ritzy interior. Trying to make some extra money, Brandon and I rent it out to all of my Mom’s brothers and sisters as a vacation getaway. They each take one week rotations with their families and switch back and forth all year long. At this particular moment, my Uncle Rod is here with Julie and the kids. Their daughter Katie is making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner when all of a sudden she spills the spaghetti sauce all over the very expensive floor and cannot get up the stain. Rod walks in on this and panics because he doesn’t want the other renters to know he has ruined the floor. Katie starts crying and Rod is running around, with his arms flying around in the air, fearing his punishment by the family for ruining the floor.
Our friends, the Burkes, have heard of all this commotion going on in our yard and have decided to put an end to this right now. They have staged a two person protest rally on the back deck, megaphones and all, to get us kicked out of the neighborhood. But, nobody seems to pay any attention to them.
I think those are all the events going on at the playhouse, at least that I can remember. Now remember, all of these are going on simultaneously, over and over again, with no end in sight. And, its all going on in my backyard. Am I insane?